“[Porn stars are] the best at what they do and I’m the best at what I do. And together it’s like, it’s on. Sorry Middle America. Yeah I said it.”

“I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction…the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.”

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“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes maps. I’m an F-18 bro.”

“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

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